Don't Tell
by trillion42
Summary: Modern AU Rule one: don't tell. If you do, he will make you pay. He'll make you feel pain. He could even make you go away. Besides, no one would believe you. Merlin is a boy with an abusive step father. He doesn't think much of himself, but can his best friend Arthur make him see that he's loved? Companion fic to "My Best Friend's Protector" Eventual Merthur (Merlin's POV)
1. Don't Tell

_Rule one: don't tell. If you do, he will make you pay. He'll make you feel pain. He could even make you go away. Besides, no one would believe you if you told..._

* * *

I sometimes wonder if we're destined for things.

I think there's something in my life; something not quite right. It makes me wonder how things could have ended up like this. I look back on it all, and about a year ago, I would have never have dreamed it ending up like this.

Like how my mother's gone. Or how Cenred, my step-father, gets angry more often. I'm pretty sure I would have told you that you were nuts if you told me that.

Then again, I probably would have told you were nuts even if you said something completely normal to me. I was three this time last year, and didn't really pay attention to what I said. I've learned to hold my tongue since then, though. It was either learn or get hit.

Now, I'm four – a big boy now – and I can stand up for myself.

"This is my house too, Cenred! And if you – !" I stopped protesting as a hand slaps me across the face. Hard.

"Listen, _Merly_," he says, face close to mine. I hate it when he calls me Merly. It means he's going to hurt me. "I pay for this house. I pay for everything in it, including you. And when I say get out, you _get out_." He strikes me across the face again, but this time, the ring on his finger catches and tears a couple layers of skin off.

I try not to cry, I really do. I'm a big boy – I'll be five in six months – I should be able to handle this. But I can't. A tear slips out and is soon followed by some more.

"Did that hurt, _Merly_?" he taunts. I just stare at the ground, trying to stop my sniffling. He slaps me again. "_Did it?_"

I nod once.

"Good. So you know not to back talk me again." He turns away. "Don't come home for a while."

I walk out the door, angry thoughts running through my head. I hate Cenred. I hate him! I hate him so much!

Then I remember my mom said hate was a strong word. Good. Then I _really _hate Cenred!

I really have no idea of where to go. We just moved here about a week ago and I hadn't been outside the house. I just wander through neighborhood after neighborhood.

Suddenly, my feet find their way to a place with wood chips on the ground and metal bars children can climb on. Oh, a playground.

I don't like other people, so I just go off to the side. Maybe I can stay here a while, or at least until my step-father calms down.

I sit alone for a while, picking at grass and tearing up leaves. I sigh. It's pretty peaceful just sitting like this. I decide to lay back. I think I dozed off, because the next thing I see are two shadows over me.

"Hi," I say shyly to the three boys in front of me. They're older and beefier than myself.

One – the leader, I guess – raises his eyebrows. "Look at these ears!" he says. He reaches out, which reminds me of Cenred, and grabs the left one. Now, I've always been proud of my ears because they were different, but having large ears does have its disadvantages. Like when someone decides to pull and twist them, it hurts a lot more than you would expect. Before I can help it, my eyes start to water.

"And his face! What happened to his cheeks?" They start poking me there, like I'm some bug that they just found. Seriously, why are they doing this? I don't even know who they are.

The poking escalated to slapping in a matter of thirty seconds. It hurts, but they got nothing on Cenred. Just as I'm about to say something, another voice beats me too it.

"Leave him alone," says a blonde boy around my age. They didn't pay attention. The leader raised his hand and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I said, leave him alone." I open my eyes. The blonde boy has the leader by the arm. He stopped him from hitting me. Instead, the bully punched the boy. The blonde smiles. "You _really _shouldn't have done that."

The next moment, I'm set free as they chase after the blonde boy. He punched one of them in the arm and ran. Taking the bullies away from me. He saved me.

I watch as he falls. They swarm around him, two pulling him up. The other is going to punch him. Not if I can help it.

I take one deep breath and sprint as fast as my legs would carry me. No going back. He's bigger than me, but I'll be coming at him fast. I launch myself at his legs, my hands coming up and beating on his chest. I'm not sure how long I'm doing this for. Atfer a while, I feel an arm grab me. It must be one of the other two; I'm going to get it now.

But it's not one of the bullies. It's the blonde boy. With one look that says _run _he drags me along, until the boys think we're not worth the effort. We collapse under a tree.

"Thanks," I pant out. He did save me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." His eyes rake over me. "What about you?"

"I'm good."

He sits up. "I'm Arthur, by the way." He scrutinizes me more. "Did they do that to you?" He indicates my cheek. They bullies didn't; Cenred did.

_Don't tell! _Cenred's voice screams in my head. He had a list of rules. Rule one was don't tell. I wince. "No…..I j-just f-f-fell and it happened earlier." Why did I stutter? "I'm Merlin."

"I haven't seen you here before."

"M-my step f-father and I just moved here." WHY AM I STUTTERING?

"Oh." He blinks. "Would you like to be my friend?"

My head snaps up. He wants to be friends? I've never had one before. And I say that. "Really? I've never had a friend before!"

"Yeah, we'll be best friends." First a friend, now a best friend? Wow, new best day ever. "But there's something we have to do first."

"What?"

He spat on his hand and extended it. Oh, this just got serious. I spit on my own then grasp his. We shake. Nothing is more powerful than the magic of the spit-shake.

"There," said Arthur. "Now we'll be best friends forever."

"Now what?" I'm new to this friendship thing.

He reaches out a hand, and for just a moment, I think he's going to hit me. That fear is quashed as he begins to tickle me.

"Please, Arthur, I can't breathe!"

He stops but smiles at me. I like him, which is a good thing, because he's my new best friend. He leans against the tree and I copy him.

"Arthur, how old are you?" I need to know this. Your age is almost as important as your name!

"I'm five. How old are you?"

"Four."

"Merlin, would you like to come over to my house?"

"Could I?"

* * *

Arthur is the best and only friend I've ever had. For the past three months, I've nearly spent every hour at his house. Every night we have a sleepover. He even makes me sleep in his bed with him, saying that it's warmer and nicer to wake up with someone next to you.

We're like Patrick and Spongebob – inseparable.

Today's the first day of kindergarten. I was excited at first, until I saw the school. It. Was. Huge.

"C'mon, Merlin," he says, tugging on my hand. He stops when he sees my face. "Are you scared?"

I nod and squeeze his hand.

"It's just school, Merlin. And I'll be across the hall." Oh, right, he wasn't in the same class as me. Just another reason not to go in. "You'll see me at recess and lunch. We can do this."

He glances at my arm briefly and I fidget. Please, please don't notice the bruises. Cenred was angry at me last night.

"And don't be afraid. I'll protect you from anything scary." He looks me in the eye when he says that. I smile. But I'm still not going in.

The next minute is pure humiliation for me. "Arthur! Put me down!" He picked me up! The prat started _carrying_ me! He doesn't put me down until we're outside my classroom. "Arthur, why'd you do that?"

He acts nonchalant and shrugs. "I needed to get you in here somehow."

I sigh. "Why can't we be in the same class? I'll never make any new friends."

"Yes you will! You're funny and you can burp the first part of the alphabet!" Okay, that's true. "I bet you'll have so many friends that you'll forget about me!"

Forget about Arthur? Forget about Arthur? There's no way that could ever happen. "I'm never gonna forget you!"

"Good," he says a little gruffly. "Ready?"

I nod and take a step forward. He wraps his arms around me, and I press my face into his chest. I love hugging him for some reason; I just do.

We pull away _much _too soon, then walk off to our respectable classrooms.

* * *

That night in bed (we were having a sleepover. His excuse for me sleeping with him this time was that he missed me during the day, so he would make up for it by holding me at night) we talked for a while, like how school went, if we made any friends, and stuff like that.

And I swear, as we fall asleep, he presses a little kiss to the top of my head.

* * *

**A/N: Hmm...yeah. Had to add that part at the end. **

**So here, it is peoples! The companion fic to "My Best Friend's Protector."**

**In later chapters, there will be more abuse, and it maybe a little graphic. And there will be foul language in this. And Merthur (no smut, I do not write smut, but I might imply it). You've been warned. **

**Most of this first chapter was written between 12 a.m. and 1:38 a.m. so sorry for any crappiness of it.**

**Drop a review if you got the time? (Please? You'll get something magical that doesn't exist!)**

**;)**


	2. Make Excuses

_Rule Two: Make excuses. People will ask why you look like hell, so you need to improvise. People will believe anything these days, so anything will do. You fell down the stairs, you tripped, the cat scratched you. Just make it convincing._

* * *

After I buckle my seatbelt, a hand pushes me into the door of the car. It hurts, but not too much.

"Where the hell am I taking you, Merly?"

I sigh. "Gwen's and Elyan's."

I get shoved into car door again. This wouldn't be a problem for me if he hadn't insisted I sit in the front seat. I hate Cenred.

"And where the hell do they live?"

"Baker's Street." That's actually two blocks away from where they live, but, seriously, I don't want my friend's to meet this bastard (Cenred's always called me that, but the fifth graders at school told me what it means. I hate Cenred more now).

Another shove into the door. This time it hurts a little more as I my head cracks against the window. The car starts, and, _yet again_, I am shoved into the window with the hand that's not on the wheel. I should've expected this; he called me Merly.

We turn a corner. Again, I'm pushed into the window. Okay, this is beginning to piss me off.

Another push. This time, my head _really _cracks against the window – complete with a sickening noise – and… my forehead is cut. Just great. My hand goes up to it. Just on the hairline. I can hide this.

But _owwww!_ It bloody hurts!

And again, I'm shoved into the window!

Can't he give me a break? I _did _do the cute eight-year old face at Charlie's Bar so he could get some whore's number (yes, she was a whore, and yes, I know what that means. He used to call my mom that), doesn't that deserve something? Like him not hitting me?

Yeah, right. Cenred actually _enjoys _causing me pain. Just fuck him. (I know what that word means! It's very disturbing and really icky.)

Finally, finally, after getting pushed into the door, _several more times_, I was free, walking the sidewalk of Baker's Street.

I was at Gwen's and Elyan's in no time. Their dad, Tom, as he told us to call him (I call him Mr. Smith; my mother taught me respect) answered the door.

"Merlin!" he smiled. I like him, he's pretty friendly. He looked around quick. "Where's your father?"

"My _step_-father-" I politely correct. I hate the fact that people think Cenred and I are related. Just because he petitioned for adoption and won doesn't mean he's my dad! "-had an important business deal –" I'll have to remember that excuse; it's good " – and could only drop me off. He says 'hi,' though."

He gave me a weird look, his eyes taking in my cut forehead. Adults; always looking at me funny. I say something about Cenred, and automatically they think something's up. And always looking at my cuts, bruises, or scrapes. It's annoying.

Luckily, I'm saved by a girly squeal and body nearly tackling me. Gwen.

"Merlin! I thought you were going to be late, everyone's here already! C'mon!" She pulled me by the hand, past Mr. Smith, up the stairs and into Elyan's bedroom.

"Hey guys," I muttered as we walk in. A few voices mutter "hi" in return. Arthur, my best friend in the whole wide world, however, stands up and gives me a big hug.

"Merlin, late as usual."

"Not my fault, it was Cenred's."

"Suuuuuuuuure."

I noticed that he hasn't pulled away yet. Whatever. He sits down, pulling me on top of him. I roll my eyes. Typical Arthur.

My one friend – there are seven of us here, me, Arthur, Gwen, Elyan, Leon, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Percy – so, anyways, my one friend Gwaine shoots us an odd look, then smirks like Arthur's little sister, Morgana (I don't really like her).

He grabs Percy's hand had comes over to us. "Hey guys," he says. "What's new?"

I shrug. "Nothing."

Arthur rolls his eyes. "We saw you in school today, Gwaine. If anything was 'new with us,' you'd probably already know about it."

"Okay, okay, just asking."

I nudge Arthur with my elbow (and I have a perfect shot at it because his chest is literally against my back). "Hey. Don't be a prat."

I can feel him glowering at the back of my head. "I'm not, idiot."

Gwaine turns and smirks at Percy, acting like they know something we don't. Prats.

"Where'd this come from?" I feel Arthur's fingers on my dented (okay, it's not _dented_) forehead. Shite.

_Make excuses, Merly!_ "I t-tripped; you know how clumsy I a-am." Shite, again! I can make up excuses for a broken arm with a two second notice, but lying to Arthur has always been hard. He's different.

He pushes me off of himself, and forces me to face him. His blue eyes study me, disbelieving.

"Are you _sure_?" I look around quick, for some sort of distraction, but Gwaine and Percy have left and are talking to Lancelot, who has an empty Pepsi bottle.

"Y-yes."

He looks deeply into my eyes, making me feel as if he's staring _through _me, past the lies. But I don't want that to happen. I _can't_ tell, I just can't tell, and no one can know.

* * *

Two hours later, I'm curled up next to Arthur in a sleeping bag, all the lights out. Tonight has been weird. I was kissed by two people, and almost kissed by another. Lancelot had the _great idea _to play spin the bottle, and guess who had to pretend to be a girl because Gwen was the only one?

Me, duh.

There was too many of us, so Gwaine and Arthur as the _boys _and Gwen and I as they _girls_ (I'm still a boy!) sat in a circle and spun the bottle. Gwen went first. And it landed on me.

Since I was still a boy, she was allowed to kiss me. It was okay, I guess. She was my first kiss. (Yes, she was my first kiss. Give me a break, I'm only eight! I bet that's better than half of you!) She blushed the whole way through it. I know she has a crush on me, but I'm not going to try anything. (Lance likes her; pals before gals).

Then Gwaine spun. _And it landed on me. _I guess Gwaine was okay. He more of a "heartbreaker" (he dated Elena and Vivian this year, in second grade; in first grade he dated Mithian), but I guess it would be okay to kiss him. As I leaned in, I was tackled by eighty-five pounds of prat.

Arthur, out of the blue, jumped on top of me. Everyone forgot about Gwaine and I having to kiss. It was Arthur's turn.

And it landed on me. Again.

This time, though, it was a different sort of kiss. He actually _held _me – hands on my waist and everything – and my eyes were closed. And his lips….oh his lips. They were soft and warm and nice and just "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah." I enjoyed it. I felt like fireworks were going off in my belly.

After that, we kinda stopped the game and went to bed.

Now, snuggled against my best friend, I think something was behind that kiss. An unspoken emotion.

* * *

I walked into my house the next day, freezing cold, having walked the whole way there because Cenred was either drunk driving or still at Charlie's Bar and was too lazy to get his ass (another word the fifth graders taught me!) over to pick me up. I smile, though. He's not here!

As I skip (in a very manly way! I'm a boy!) into my kitchen, I nearly have a heart attack when I hear a cough. It's Cenred. It has to be. He called me "Merly" last night. Pushing me into the car door wasn't enough. He's going to hurt me. He's going to-

I turn. It's Arthur. I glare at him.

"Arthur, you prat. What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, looking around at the poorly painted walls. It suddenly registers that this is the first time he's been to my house, but I don't really care. "I saw no one was there to pick you up. So I followed you."

I sigh heavily. "Prat."

"Idiot." Such endearing terms.

"Dollop-head."

"Clotpole."

"My word!" It is my word; I invented it!

"And it suits you perfectly!"

I narrow my eyes and open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Because I hear a car pull into the driveway. Because Cenred is home.

Suddenly, I'm running, pulling Arthur behind me. We're in the woods behind my house, a safe place. Cenred just came back from Charlie's Bar, no doubt. He sounded angry (I heard him let loose a bellow). He called me "Merly" last night.

Twenty minutes, three hours, five days, I have no one idea, but we finally stopped running. Arthur and I collapsed by some bushes, but a vision of my mother fills my mind. She says _pray._

_ Yes, mother._ I sigh as I go on my knees and fold my hands.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asks.

"I'm praying," I murmur back. "You can join me. My mom always told me to pray when he gets angry."

"Who's he?"

"My step-father," I specify. I suddenly realized Arthur barely knew I had one. I needed to elaborate a little more. "My mom married him after my dad was arrested for selling pot. He didn't mean to, but he needed to earn money somehow. Mom and dad were never married." My mom told me a little about my dad when she was still around.

"Oh." He blinked. "What are you praying for?"

I thought for a moment. "To fly. To get away."

He blinked again, probably wondering if I was insane. "Oh. Can I help?"

"Sure. Get on your knees."

I started the prayer. It was one of freedom, one from Exodus, where Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land (my mom made sure I knew my Bible). I hope my "freedom" would apply to it.

"Amen."

"Amen," Arthur repeated. I could've laughed. He's nearly an atheist (not even a holiday Christian), and probably had no idea what I just said. "Merlin-" he starts.

I know what he's going to ask. But I cut him off with a question, which he replies to and the subject is changed.

We begin to walk back, his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys. Here's the new chapter.**

**For those of you just starting this, it's a compainion fic to my fic "My Best Friend's Protector" (this fic is basically that one, excpet this is through Merlin's POV). I suggest you read that one first.**

**And sorry for the lesser quality of this. I suddenly realized I suck at writing in the first-person POV.**

**And thanks to all those who reiviewed, favorited, and followed! May penguins come your way!**


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